hello hell0

this space has slumped a bit with all the jokes – i’ve been on Twitter more these days firing out neat chunks of unruly text

but i just wanted to share my joy this Sunday 🙂

i have lived a very good life for almost 25 years now, and have had many moments of happiness. sometimes i even buy into the illusion that being a Christian makes me eternally happy, non-stop smiles, always laughing and celebrating and whooping in gladness

but when things get bad they get bad. and it doesn’t even have to be the Big Things that i find myself thinking about on odd nights when i’m struggling to fall asleep.

it can be as small as a pernickety little piece of classwork, an 8 minute persuasive speech that just refuses to glue itself into something presentable, and suddenly all the frustration from not having things sail on smoothly boils over and i feel like yelling AAARGHHHH IT IS ALREADY 2 AM AND I AM A MIDNIGHT BOY EVEN IF MY EYEBAGS CAN FIT A WEEK’S WORTH OF GROCERIES FOR THE AVERAGE NTUC-FREQUENTING FAMILY I AM SO WEARY AND SLEEPY BUT THIS SPEECH LOOKS LIKE A THREE YEAR OLD KID FLUNG MUD CLUMPS ON THE BEACH AND CALLED IT A SANDCASTLE

at moments like that i am thankful for friends who do not view my problems as ‘too small’ or ‘too lame’ or ‘too petty’, for kind folk around me who listen to these little gripes and shrieks of frustration, who offer prayer and wise counsel.

not sure whether Mandela or Roosevelt, but i quite like this quote:

Courage is not the absence of fear, but triumph over it

yes. joy is more than the absence of struggles, worries, anxiety, setbacks in my life. we are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not despairing; struck down, but not destroyed.

there are few things in this world that i can hold on to (Leah, always Leah), but this one thing i hold true to – that Christ loves me, and I am accepted, and so i can accept all hardship, bear all things, and choose to love, to have the blessedness of self-forgetfulness.

take away all the trappings Lord – everything that i do not need – make this life count for something. thank You for coming for us. because of You, there is a reason for living 🙂

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