today was a lot of things

it is past midnight now so my parents will be back soon and for that i am grateful 🙂

at 630pm today i was in a bad place

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and it was just a build-up of being human

having lawiv on my mind a lot

+ feeling like my voice was starting to go and being afraid of that

+ feeling emotionally spent as well and that really scared me because it was a full run next and how can i ask the cast to give their best if i can’t give mine

+ a lot of fears and doubts and worries in my own head

and i just felt so tired that i went up to navin’s tiny room (also ruf’s tiny room on other days) and curled up under my hoodie for 7 minutes

then we did the run

in the middle of it all during the intermission mark came up to gid and i and said “let’s pray”

so i just knelt down then and as i prayed i just cried

because i had been longing to pray for ages

i think that was what the Psalmists wrote about when they meant crying out to God

no space in me for propriety or rehearsed lines

just a genuine plea to please, be faithful, to help us hold this huge thing that is now in our hands, to be loving and kind and patient with the many people that we will speak to and be with, to be good stewards of the time and energy of the countless people in the performance

it is now the 31st – 20 days remain

i thank you God that so many people could smile at the end of the Run

for the comm who are brave and have given so much to lay the groundwork for what we have now

for all those who had personal things weighing heavy on them but bore it anyway so that the show could go on

for amelia kindly sending me home when i was on my last legs

for all the kids who sent in nice words and who cared enough to give feedback about the play and ting the pug who rubbed my face and said kind things

truly what do we have that we did not receive?

therefore, serve one another humbly in love

thank you God for holding me up when i am wobbly Jello

goodnight my friends thank you for reading and praying along with me 🙂


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