every day i am more convinced than ever that a habit of attention is so ultra mega super important

no two persons begin naturally fixated on each other to the exclusion of all else (or perhaps for a bit, when the ‘chase is on’ or when the ‘butterflies’ hit, but that doesn’t last long)

but when (and especially in this super-saturated, ‘there’s always something more interesting more fascinating more fun if you alt-tab’ kind of climate, when) you choose to focus on a person (let’s call the person Y) to the exclusion of many things

it means guarding your eyes – what you choose to look at, what you let yourself indulge in, and i don’t even mean pornography. i mean simple things (but also things that might run against your instinct or what you feel is ‘all right’ or ‘harmless’) like looking away from someone attractive, or someone in a revealing outfit or with a great figure or whatever else you find visually pleasing

it means guarding your mind – who you choose to compare Y to, the thoughts that you let yourself entertain (about Y? about you and another person?) but that you never let out or communicate openly to Y, how far you let yourself sink into doubt and distrust and suspicion and how much you let yourself reach out for something or someone that shimmers in a ‘new’, ‘fresh’, ‘exciting’ way*

it means guarding your heart – the depth of conversation that you are willing to go to with others, being conscious and aware that while intimacy is enticing and enjoyable, it is a limited resource – you can only be so intimate with so many people, and the dangers of pursuing intimacy without commitment aside, if you’re getting really intimate with someone who isn’t Y then well it doesn’t have to be physical at all for it to be infidelity (cheating begins in the head, after all, unless you are a zombie)

now the above statements are broad generalizations, and both you and i can think of exceptions to them (close friends, the fact that you can share intimacy with your family and with your significant other – though that is quite a different sort of intimacy..)

but well rules are for the immature (in some sense), and so it’s no surprise that they don’t neatly cover every situation. at the day’s end, what i mean to say is this:

i believe that love is giving, is sacrifice, and so if a relationship is an expression of love then it will slowly grow into an uninhibited, unreserved giving of oneself to another. it is giving another person your undivided heart instead of snipping off small bits to hand out as samples to willing takers. it isn’t hard to tell the difference between making a close friend, and giving to someone else what should be kept and reserved for Y, but if you know that you struggle with that then make good friends who will call you out when you’re being stupid :–)

(all that sprung up after i watched this video:

SO YES once again it has been i me myself joseph tossing about random thoughts about relationboats. but it is late..


and goodnight :—)

*it is no surprise that another human being (X) can offer excitement, intrigue, perhaps even satisfaction in a way that Y cannot. but if you are isolating that bit of X and relishing in it then you are

1. letting yourself find easy satisfaction in X when perhaps you should instead work harder at sharing that bit of your life with Y

2. forgetting that X is a whole person and that you are looking at X as a need of yours that needs fulfilling which is a rrrrroad to ruin


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