this piece really not bad but maybe i only say that because i agree with it confirmation bias m@@@@@@x
okay anyway it is very very long so let me take out key parts and then i will help you to summarize the parts that are key what about that let’s go!!!!
1. “Throughout the day, partners would make requests for connection, what Gottman calls “bids.” For example, say that the husband is a bird enthusiast and notices a goldfinch fly across the yard. He might say to his wife, “Look at that beautiful bird outside!” He’s not just commenting on the bird here: he’s requesting a response from his wife — a sign of interest or support — hoping they’ll connect, however momentarily, over the bird.
The wife now has a choice. She can respond by either “turning toward” or “turning away” from her husband, as Gottman puts it. Though the bird-bid might seem minor and silly, it can actually reveal a lot about the health of the relationship. The husband thought the bird was important enough to bring it up in conversation and the question is whether his wife recognizes and respects that.”
when your whoever says something you must show that you care even if you don’t care the Chinese call this 爱屋及乌
2. “There are two ways to think about kindness. You can think about it as a fixed trait: either you have it or you don’t. Or you could think of kindness as a muscle. In some people, that muscle is naturally stronger than in others, but it can grow stronger in everyone with exercise. Masters tend to think about kindness as a muscle. They know that they have to exercise it to keep it in shape. They know, in other words, that a good relationship requires sustained hard work.”
even if u don’t have don’t worry kindness can train one
3. ““Kindness doesn’t mean that we don’t express our anger,” Julie Gottman explained, “but the kindness informs how we choose to express the anger. You can throw spears at your partner. Or you can explain why you’re hurt and angry, and that’s the kinder path.””
if you are pissed say why nicely la don’t just be pissed
4. “One way to practice kindness is by being generous about your partner’s intentions… say a wife is running late to dinner (again), and the husband assumes that she doesn’t value him enough to show up to their date on time after he took the trouble to make a reservation and leave work early so that they could spend a romantic evening together. But it turns out that the wife was running late because she stopped by a store to pick him up a gift for their special night out.
Imagine her joining him for dinner, excited to deliver her gift, only to realize that he’s in a sour mood because he misinterpreted what was motivating her behavior. The ability to interpret your partner’s actions and intentions charitably can soften the sharp edge of conflict.”
if something neh happens try to think the best of your whoever they must b good person right if not why you choose them lame ah
5. “They found that, in general, couples responded to each other’s good news in four different ways that they called: passive destructive, active destructive, passive constructive, and active constructive.
Among the four response styles, active constructive responding is the kindest. While the other response styles are joy-killers, active constructive responding allows the partner to savor her joy and gives the couple an opportunity to bond over the good news. In the parlance of the Gottmans, active constructive responding is a way of “turning toward” your partners bid (sharing the good news) rather than “turning away” from it.”
this is just 1 again basically when your whoever shares stuff be interested and supportive and SHARE THE JOY!!!!!!!!!
ya lor basically follow these 5 steps should be okay already la don’t always be grouchy don’t contempt don’t pretend to listen but actually choosing instagram filter….. journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step HAHA means that everyone starts out single i guess quite true ah the Chinese really know what’s up shoutout to my ancestors