Never Gonna Leave This Bed

A Brief Q & A

Q: “do you fear losing spark(LE) becoming jade(D)?”

A: i do, yes, but it helps when i let myself be LED by God!

This question could mean a lotta things, but I’m guessing it’s somewhere along the lines of faith, and belief, and weariness in the physical that doesn’t seem to be relieved by a pursuit of the spiritual?

Everyday is a struggle. I struggle like mad daily for just a little teeny bit of goodness in myself.

And I think there are 2 struggles.

One is a push for doing the things of God. So i read my bible, i smile at people and am nice to friends and get involved in cells and say sorry when i am wrong and try to be merciful and meek..

One is desiring the things of God. How much do i set my mind and heart on hearing & obeying Jesus, and just asking Him to be with me & change me.

Without desiring, doing alone will kill. It really kills. Because it’s not humanly possible for my heart to keep up with all these saintly actions, and so it gets weary and hurt and disappointed and soon enough my actions and thoughts stop syncing. I’m a hypocrite, I feel jaded and exhausted and running on empty.

I must desire, and by desire I mean let my heart cry out to God and enter into communion w Him through that admission of need (“i need you God please”).

1 Cor 15: “I worked harder than all of them, yet not I – but the grace of God that was with me.”

Not me!!! Never me. But God’s grace supplying all my needs.

It’s like an iPhone.. When you plug it into the com to sync, it gets
1) charged
2) renewed

So it is with my heart/mind. I must come back to God for syncing and renewal and charging.

Thankfully, unlike Apple (or my lousy Macbook battery), God is everlasting :p

HAVE A NICE DAY FOLKS ~_~ typed all that while embracing my bolster sigh bolster u r so beautiful 2 me

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