Since I’ve been dishonest. And yet today, when confronted with something entirely unimportant, my reflex was to tell a lie which I immediately regretted, then doubly regretted when I had to own up to it. And there I was squirming and trying to justify it when really, there was nothing that could be said in its defence.
Haha to think that I was patting myself on the back earlier!! And preaching about how collaboration robs God of glory because if I collaborate and get good grades, I can’t possibly say “To God be the glory!!!” when the key to my good grades was not my diligence and God’s grace but my fear of failure overwhelming my integrity to obedience.
But I thank God for the timely link; spent a good 15 minutes after dinner browsing a journal, and once more I came to the conclusion that the people who cry out to God the most and keep His name on their lips aren’t the ones who are perfect and sufficient. They are the ones who realise all too acutely their inadequacy, their propensity for sin and wrongdoing, their flaws and weaknesses that stumble them at every turn. When I know how sinful I am, then I realise how much I need God.
So God, I need more of you. Not just for some test tomorrow or my exams, those are small things. I need You to change my heart God and make it more like You, to help me to be brave enough to be honest no matter what. Humble me and change me God. I want to bless those around me and I want to know Your heart, to know what it means to be humble and broken before you, so that I can love others the way You would want me to. Help me Jesus. Amen.
heart of my own heart, whatever befall
still be my vision, O Ruler of all.