Dear God

I am incredibly sad now. Just yesterday, I was incredibly elated when i received an sms asking for tuition. I thought to myself, It must be because my success with my current tutee got me a good rep.

Today, after tuition, i popped by the flat of my new tutees to have a short chat and look at their essays. It was a small flat, and the moment i stepped in i thought oh God, why can’t i get a rich kid, someone who won’t make me squirm inside when i receive payment every month?

I took a look at their essays and my heart sank further, i thought to myself, what has their teacher been doing for the last 19 months, that may be an unfair thought, but the way they looked at me like i could turn their 14/50 into something special, i really don’t know what to do.

I think my fees are more than reasonable at 30/hr considering the effort i put into writing essay outlines for every question i give them, i am always proud of the effort i put into preparation and into each and every session, i have no qualms about covering as much ground as possible, i don’t waste time with idle chit chat, i don’t make them spend half the lesson writing while i text away or shake a leg, i make sure they do their work before class so that every minute is as productive as can be.

Why is it then that i feel so sad? I want them to do well, i want to work a miracle, but it seems so impossible and i don’t want them to fail don’t want myself to fail them but the amount of work that is needed in the next 3 months… I know that i will pour my soul into preparations, but i just don’t know if its enough, if they can absorb it, if i can make a big enough difference, help me God, i will try but i’m already so sad and it hasn’t begun.

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